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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24264211">Poaching The Egg</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/IrisoPage/pseuds/IrisoPage'>IrisoPage</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alien Sex, Other, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, ooblar is a human fucker, reader is an alien fucker</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 23:07:46</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,919</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24264211</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/IrisoPage/pseuds/IrisoPage</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Have you ever wanted to fuck the yolkians from the Jimmy Neutron Movie? Probably not, but I can change that.<br/>Ooblar is chilling at your house cause King Goobot refuses to share a guest room with him. IDK, he's not seen staying at Jimmy's house in the episode. Artistic Liberties.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ooblar (Jimmy Neutron)/Reader, ooblar/reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Poaching The Egg</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I fell into a pit of obscure characters and I brought a shovel. Ooblar probably isn't the most obscure thing I'd fuck, but he's on the list. The idea would not stop haunting me until I put it into words. You know who you are.<br/>Did I write this ironically? That's up for debate.<br/>Do you think Nickelodeon Slime is made out of yolkians?</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>"Why?"</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span> Is all you had to say when you stepped into your living room.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There, on </span>
  <em>
    <span>your</span>
  </em>
  <span> couch, the one piece of furniture that was in your name and not your roommate's, was sitting a quite content egg shaped alien.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You go on </span>
  <em>
    <span>one</span>
  </em>
  <span> business trip for </span>
  <em>
    <span>one</span>
  </em>
  <span> day and your roommate is already cheating on you with another roommate.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You stare at each for a moment before your roommate pops their head out of the kitchen.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Oh, you're back! You missed this whole thing with the yolkians and there was a musical number and-"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Why is it getting crumbs on my couch?" You cut them off, noticing it was also eating </span>
  <em>
    <span>your</span>
  </em>
  <span> french toast sticks.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"He's our guest!" They proclaim cheerfully, bringing out another tray of plundered cinnamon goodness.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"A guest, indeed! Which means you have to treat me with respect!" He snaps, floating above you angrily.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When he noticed the way your roommate was staring at him in surprise, he backpedaled.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"And that's what friends do, right? </span>
  <em>
    <span>Respect one another?" </span>
  </em>
  <span>His tone taking on a false sweetness that, for some reason, only you could see through.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"How come I pay rent and you're letting this random egg stay here for free?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You had no idea if these things were actually evil, but you weren't just going to let some freeloader in your space.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"It's called having friends over, duh! Friends don't pay rent!" They roll their eyes at you as if that were the most obvious thing in the universe.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"Then what are we?" </span>
  </em>
  <span>You gesture to yourself, more confused by the situation than actually offended.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You're my breadwinner, silly!" They hush you by plopping a french toast stick in your hand.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"He's not staying here." You say as you angrily shove the stick in your mouth and grab the alien by his robot shell.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You're about to bowl him out the door before he pipes up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"W-w-wait!" He squirms in your firm grasp. "If you throw me out, I guess I'll have no choice but to give these tonight only Graystar tickets to someone else."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Your roommate immediately shoves you aside and brushes off their new best friend. "I'm </span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span> sorry about that! They can be such a grump sometimes! They were just kidding about that!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ooblar gives you the smuggest look an egg could possibly make as you pick yourself off the floor and dust yourself off.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You can't possibly believe that horse-" You start, but when Ooblar flashes a ticket in your roommates face, you get side checked again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You two play nice! I'm going to see Graystar!" They squeal, before taking off in a hurry.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Wait! You don't even k- and they're gone." You try to call after them as they prance down the sidewalk and out of sight.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And then there were two.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"What, I don't get a ticket?" You weren't just going to let this egghead impress your roommate and not impress you too!</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"</span>
  <em>
    <span>I </span>
  </em>
  <span>was told to give these out to </span>
  <em>
    <span>friends, </span>
  </em>
  <span>and </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> aren't being very friendly!" He jabs an accusing digit at you, which you promptly smack away.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"</span>
  <em>
    <span>I</span>
  </em>
  <span> don't make friends with evil space aliens that try to feed people to their giant chicken god!" You recap.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"It wasn't us that did that! It was Poultra! She forced us into it!" He poured on the theatrics as he clutched at your shirt.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Likely story, then why do you have a King?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Well, actually, it's a really interesting-" He starts before you shove a french toast stick in his mouth.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"I don't care. Get out of my house."</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"This isn't </span>
  <em>
    <span>your</span>
  </em>
  <span> house is it? It's the bubbly one's house, and </span>
  <em>
    <span>I </span>
  </em>
  <span>was told I could stay." He actually had a point with that one.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Why are you even staying here? Don't you have like, a spaceship, or something? Is this going to be a Red Coat type situation where everyone has to live with an egg?" You can barely put up with him for five minutes, you sure as hell weren't going to provide room and board for him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"The King is staying with one of your neighbors, and as his royal assistant, I am to be on standby.,</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"He's staying with that large headed kid across the street, isn't he?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You were never abducted by aliens.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Correction; you were never abducted by </span>
  <em>
    <span>these specific aliens. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>(But that was a story for another day)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You weren't among the people abducted, but you were all too familiar with the stories of the Large Headed Boy and Poultra and Chicken Dances.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"Neutron." </span>
  </em>
  <span>He hisses and clenches his fists before switching back to his 'friendly' mode. "I mean-"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"No need, I've met the kid. I know what he's like." You put your hand on his glass dome in some sort of sympathy.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sure, Jimmy was just a kid, but most kids didn't launch actual rockets off their roof and cause several alien invasions.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Exactly! You should be pointing your fingers at him, not us!" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You still refused to agree with this Jade Egg.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I have several fingers, and one is </span>
  <em>
    <span>absolutely</span>
  </em>
  <span> pointed at you." You put your finger on his glass, causing him to cross his eyestalks at it before he shoves it away. "Don't think you're getting off so easy."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Oh, I never do." His expression turns sullen. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"What?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"What?" </span>
  </em>
  <span>He parrots back.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Whatever, just behave yourself." You slump down the couch beside him and start crunching toast sticks. "So, what's the whole deal with Poultra anyway? Did she, like, birth all of you?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Maybe that's why they had to feed her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"What!? Ludicrous thinking! Do you </span>
  <em>
    <span>really</span>
  </em>
  <span> think a species as advanced as myself would go through such laborious and ineffective gestation periods?" He scoffs, offended at the mere thought of such a thing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Then what the fuck is with all the...You know what? I don't want to know." You hold your hands up to stop him from going on whatever scientific alien goop rant he was about to start.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Well...fine! I wasn't going to tell you anyway." He puts his hands in his hips and puffs himself up in a royal way.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Blah, blah, blah, advanced species bullshit.  I just want to know what's this fucking thing on your bottom." You declared, suddenly shoving one of your fingers under the metal shell.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Keep your grimy mitts off that! It's sensitive!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Yeah, I bet it is." You chuckle before your eyes go wide. "Oh my god."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"What, what are you going on about this time!?" He was clearly fed up with your shenanigans by this point, but he forced himself to continue his friendly facade.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"</span>
  <em>
    <span>You have a cloaca."</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Er-What?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"It's a cloaca. That's totally what it is, cause of the-" You rambled before suddenly proclaiming loudly. "MOTHERFUCKING CHICKEN."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I know having visitors from another planet can be a bit startling-" He starts, wondering if he should make a break for the door.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You are not immune to conventional genitalia." You suddenly T-Pose to assert your dominance.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"</span>
  <em>
    <span>Ehehe</span>
  </em>
  <span>, why don't I go join your roommate? That All Star or whatever sounds fun." He darts off the couch and towards the door.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Leave now and they'll take my side."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He stops dead in his tracks.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"What did you say?"</span>
  </em>
  <span> He slowly turns around, weird slug eyes narrowed at you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"If you leave, my roommate will get worried about me. They'll come home, miss the concert </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> gave to them, and the two of us will cuddle and eat chicken nuggets the whole night." You sigh dreamily  as you wrap your arms around yourself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ooblar hovers away from the door in defeat.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Just stop talking about my cloaca!" He shrieks so high, only mice can hear it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>(Luckily, you took a course on reading robot lips.)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"So, it </span>
  <em>
    <span>is</span>
  </em>
  <span> a cloaca then." Your smirk grows into a full blown grin.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Oop." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I totally called it!" You clasp your hands in triumph. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You have a bad connection!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"CLOACA, CLOACA, CLOACA!" You shout to the heavens, before opening the window and sticking your head out.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Hey, everyone!" You call and the entire town seems to look in your direction. People even popped up from manholes to pay attention to you. "YOLKIANS HAVE C-"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"COOKIES! Cookies that I'm baking with my new best friend that I love so dearly!" He interrupts with that fake cheery tone of his.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He even gives you a hug to seal the deal. Your impromptu audience does an obligatory 'Awwwwwww!' before going about their business.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ooblar makes sure no one is looking and  yanks you back into the house.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"What is it that you want? Name anything. Fame? Money?" He finally tries to offer you something just to shut you up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I want guaranteed safety."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I beg your pardon?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Don't worry, you will." You assure him, much to his confusion. "I want guaranteed safety for my roommate and myself not to get eaten by a giant chicken."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Anything else?" He asks, fingers twiddling nervously.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Nah, I planned on moving us to Dimmsdale soon anyway. I'll gladly throw this town under the bus for my own selfish reasons."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Wow." Ooblar stares at you in surprise. "You humans are cold...I'm almost impressed." He chuckles lightly, still a bit out of sorts.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"So, do we have a deal?" You hold out your hand.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I suppose we do." He rolls his eyes before putting his metal hand in yours.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You clamp down on his hand and lean in close to his glass dome. </span>
  <em>
    <span>"Just remember I know where you live...</span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>and I know about your cloaca."</em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ooblar audibly gulps. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"So, what shall we do first, buddy?" You grin, physically wrapping an arm around Ooblar while metaphorically having him under your thumb.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Trying to introduce him to human television proved to be a challenge, so you let him splice a few cables to get you intergalactic cable.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Deep Space Television was a treasure trove of weird. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was sorta peaceful for a while, mostly because there was a marathon to "All My Circuits" playing and neither of you wanted to talk over it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The only interruption was a phone call from the Neutron residence. For one reason or another, you were relieved when it wasn't one of the Neutrons calling you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Hello, Caller! You're on the air!" You answer in your cheesiest radio host voice.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"It's King Goobot. Could you </span>
  <em>
    <span>kindly</span>
  </em>
  <span> put Ooblar on the phone?" He was putting on that sickly sweet act as well.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"What song can we play for you today, Goob?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I can see you through the window, I know he's there."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Can you see this through the window?" You ask as you stick your middle finger up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ooblar attempts to keep you from flipping off his Boss and tries to grab the phone off of you, but is met with a foot in his face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Oh, you think that's funny, do you? Don't you make me come over there."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"We once had to sleepover at the Neutrons' place while the house was being fumigated." That was also Jimmy's fault. "You're not getting out of there until every species of duck has been described to you in great and incorrect detail."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Give Ooblar the phone, or I'll send the man over to invite you to dinner."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Ooh, you drive a hard bargain. Tell me what you're wearing first." You grin, continuing to shove the flailing Ooblar away from the phone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"You'll never believe who I'm on the phone with!" </span>
  </em>
  <span>You hear Goobot call distantly, presumingly to your annoying neighbors.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I pissed off your King. Good luck dealing with that one." You finally hand the phone off to him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"My apologies, your royal pissy-ness! You would not believe the mouth on this one!" He hisses into the phone as he floats upstairs.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You took this as an opportunity to skim over the more racy channels, unwilling to watch softcore porn with someone you just met, regardless of species.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ooblar was up there for a while, the two brothers gossiping like the queens they were. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Honestly, you forgot he was up there. You were so invested in your show, you didn't notice him until he popped out from behind the couch.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING!?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You jump and fling the remote so hard it flies out the still open window.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He cackles madly, and you can hear Goobot doing the same from the phone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You finally get up to slam the window shut and angrily close the curtains.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Hey, genius." Ooblar starts after hanging up the phone. "Your remote is still outside."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Well, I'm not getting it." You flump back onto the couch and accept your fate.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You could get up and change the channel." He points out, looking at the television with a slightly perturbed look.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You evolved past the need for legs, you change it." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I think </span>
  <em>
    <span>those </span>
  </em>
  <span>two should evolve past the need for legs…" He gestures to the screen.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Fair enough, you couldn't tell whose limbs were whose or even if they were meant to bend that way.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"We're not watching this." He hovers over to the TV with a huff and changes the channel. "I'll show you real entertainment."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"I've heard that line before…" </span>
  </em>
  <span>You roll your eyes, already unimpressed by anything Ooblar would choose. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"This is where you'll see the good stuff." He returns to the couch with a smug look.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You ended up watching several hours of cheesy game shows, some 'survivor' knockoff, and weird competitions for </span>
  <em>
    <span>fabulous </span>
  </em>
  <span>prizes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You were in the middle of a heated argument turned shoving match over who should be voted off in 'Next Top Vogon' when you hear keys suddenly jingle from outside the door. It was about to turn into a slap fight, but that wouldn't have looked good for either of you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There's a scramble to turn off the tv as the door knob turns. In the few seconds it took for your roommate to open the door, you two silently agreed to pretending to have been playing cards this whole time.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Now how did the tv remote get outs-Oh! Hey, you two! You're looking like good friends already!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"How was your concert?" You ask casually as if you weren't just ready to scramble an alien.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"It was amazing! I was so close to the stage I could smell them!" They squee with a dreamy expression before they yawn. “I’m ready for bed.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Ditto." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A nice warm alien-free bed sounded like the best thing in the world right about now.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Oh..I kinda promised Ooblar he could sleep in your room." They explain sheepishly through their teeth.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A golf club to hit an alien out of your house sounded like the best thing in the world right now.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And you never thought to run this by me first?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I didn't think you'd be back so soon…" They twiddle their fingers as they give you a guilty look.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"A promise is like a </span>
  <em>
    <span>guarantee</span>
  </em>
  <span>, isn't it?" Ooblar interrupts, wink-wink nudge-nudging you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You didn't feel like arguing with him anymore, instead turning to your roommate.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then...can I sleep in your room?” You ask with the biggest bambi eyes that can fit your character model.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Your roommate laughs at you before their expression distorts. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>“No mortal may see the contents of my room at this time.”</b>
  <span> Their voice lowers as the lighting in the room turns a strange red tint for a split second. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Night Night!” They instantly perk up again as they head upstairs.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This is how you found yourself sharing a bed with a metal egg, both of you as far away from the other as physically possible.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Do not cross the spinosaurus plush." You slam the stuffed dinosaur into the middle of the bed to act as a barrier between your respective sides.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>While he didn't cross it, his side of the bed got suspiciously larger as the night went on. You finally noticed him shoving the doll closer to your side, and you promptly issued him a warning.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>"Cloaca."</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Y'know, that threat is starting to sound like a broken record." He declared, seemingly less bothered by that fact than before.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"Boop."</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You say as you quickly poke the opening, causing your finger to be slapped away by a limp metal hand.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"How would you like if I went around booping your bits!?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Please, by all means, go right ahead." You even spread your legs and gesture to your crotch to show him how serious you were.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He stares at you for a moment, and you think he genuinely considered doing it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You're clearly trying to trick me! I won't fall for it!" He squawks and falls back down on his side of the bed, causing you to bounce slightly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You sigh and prepare for a rough night’s sleep.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You're not asleep for long when you're woken up to the sound of Ooblar whimpering. He's completely covered by the blanket, but it does little to muffle the noise.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Dude, are you crying?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeez, you knew he was pathetic even for an alien, but </span>
  <em>
    <span>come on</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Look, if it means that much to you, I'll cut it out." You couldn't believe you were pitying this pitiful fool.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lifting up the blanket, you’re surprised you don’t go blind from the sight underneath. Finding Ooblar staring up at you, deer in headlights with three mechanical fingers jammed up his cooch.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You cover him back up with the blanket, turn back over and lay down. Wisely, you pretend you never saw that and try to go back to sleep.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Assumingly, most people (and aliens) in that situation would stop dialing the rotary phone and go to sleep. Apparently, Ooblar didn't get the memo. Once he thought you were asleep, he started again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After several long minutes of this assault to your eardrums, he quiets down. You think that he somehow either came quietly (unlikely) or he gave up. You would be wrong however, when you notice him peeking out from behind the covers and he slowly reaches over to tap you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"No."</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You don't even know what I was going to say!" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I am not fingering an alien in my own bed!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Oh, I guess you did know what I was going to say." He rubs the back of his dome, wondering if it was that obvious.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Absolutely not!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You had no problem touching it earlier!" He reminds you, his embarrassment quickly turning into anger.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I didn't even know what it </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span> earlier!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"This is your fault! If you hadn't gone poking around with it, I wouldn't be so hot and bothered right now!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Yeah? Well, don't hardboil yourself now, hothead." You lay back down and close your eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"It could be your only chance to be with a highly evolved species." His tone suddenly lowers as he tries to bargain.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"In this town? You're not my first alien rodeo, and you won't be my last."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"I could very well be your last."</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I like the way you completely ignored the first part of that sentence."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"As if I care about your interstellar encounters." He scoffs with a flourish of his limp wrist.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Exactly! You don't care about me, I don't care about you. End of story! Bye bye! </span>
  <em>
    <span>See you later</span>
  </em>
  <span>."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There's a split second of sweet golden silence.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Alright, but what if-"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"Aaargh!" </span>
  </em>
  <span>You sit up dramatically to roar at him before flopping face first into your pillow.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Just...hear me out, won't you?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’d really rather not, but I’d have to travel to the moon to ever unhear you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"How about I borrow your large human hand for a few minutes, and I'll be gone in the morning, hmm?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You're a grown goop pile and you can't even get yourself off? Now that's just sad."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sad enough that you'll help me?" He smiles at you as he tries to give you bambi eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If I do this for you, you’ll be gone in the morning, and my roommate and I won’t get eaten?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Let's just say, don't go to any picnics and you'll be right as rain." He audibly winks.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"Fine…"</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then get to work already. Your nights are so short on this planet.” He leans back on your pillow, arms resting behind his dome.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re not allowed to be smug about this. This is low, even for you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You flick his opening, causing him to squeal in surprise. His mouth an embarrassed squiggle as he glares up at you, but he decides to keep any further remarks to himself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You play around the opening, trying to figure out exactly how it worked. Ooblar immediately starts whining and whimpering like he's been sentenced to the airlock, desperately trying to rut against you for more stimulation.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You precariously stick a finger in him. It felt like one of those squishy water filled tubes with glitter floating around. You were unsure if you could look at slime stim boards the same way ever again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You've got more fingers than I do, make use of them!" He orders, glaring up at you, but looking far too flustered to be intimidating.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"Guh…" </span>
  </em>
  <span>You grimace as you add three more fingers to the mix, his hole already stretched from mansplaining himself. There's no telling up from down in this pile of goop, so you pump your fingers every which way hoping that </span>
  <em>
    <span>something</span>
  </em>
  <span> works. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"Oh, yes~"</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Can't you be quiet!?" You shout whisper at him as you shove the spinosaurus plush in his mouth.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He tries to muffle a protest, but continues with his moans. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You decide this is taking far too long, and that was entirely on Ooblar's part. You knew you had fingers blessed by Magic Mike himself, and no human or alien would ever besmirch your name.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You pull your fingers out of him, and are met with distressed protests from Ooblar, mumbling around the stuffed toy. He finally spits the toy out and scowls.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You're giving up that easily!? I thought you were-" His screeches are instantly silenced. </span>
  <em>
    <span>"Oh, sweet poultra, yes~"</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You slowly lick over his slimy folds. It’s not </span>
  <em>
    <span>awful</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but it </span>
  <em>
    <span>is</span>
  </em>
  <span> eggy. Like one of those all natural peanut butters where you can </span>
  <em>
    <span>only </span>
  </em>
  <span>taste egg whites. It's not the worst thing you've tasted, and he's probably on the higher end of aliens you've tasted.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This is what convinces you to dip your tongue inside him. If his goop were any thicker, you might have very well glued yourselves together. You swirl your tongue around as much as you can, all the while your guest is moaning like he's King Caesar on March 15th.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You start sucking the opening as you went to stick your fingers in again. This pushed Ooblar over the edge, cumming on your tongue in a matter of seconds. (Un)Fortunately for you, he happened to be a squirter.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You've never wanted to know what it felt like to be 'slimed' on a game show, but you imagined it felt like this. A thick string of gak-like goo still connecting you as you pulled away.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He recovers rather quickly, unfortunate, as you were hoping that would finally shut him up once and for all.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Hmm, maybe I really should convince Goobot to keep a few of you around…" He murmurs in his blissed out stupor.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Fuck, I hope I didn't just give myself salmonella." You gag as you scrub your tongue on the back of your arm.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Congratulations, you just guaranteed your safety." He purrs as he gives you a weak thumbs up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>But at what cost?</span>
  </em>
</p>
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